Nobody’s View’s 2012 List of 12 New Year’s Resolutions That May or May Not Stink

Welcome to the New Year 2012.

Take a big whiff of January.  Go ahead.  Take it in.  It still has that “new year” smell.  Eventually there’ll be some fast food in here, some cat pee, and a smoker who hitched a ride, but right now, it still smells great!

*Sniiiiiiiiif*  Ah, the new year!

So, what should we do with this shiny new beginning?

Well, how about starting with some 2012 New Year’s Resolutions?  No?  Well, too bad.  That’s what today’s post is all about.

We here at Nobody’s View really aren’t big on resolutions.  I mean, why do that to yourself, right?  If you don’t like your image or your thoughts or your…whatever…I doubt making a promise right up front of the ol’ 365 is going to make it better.  Oh sure, you might have good intentions, but if you end up falling short (which I do quite often), you’ll only end up feeling worse about things.

So, let’s try something different.  Let’s go for some bizarro-resolutions.  Resolutions we’d make if we lived in a different world.  An opposite world.  A world where things could actually get resolved.  Ready?  Let’s try it.  In fact, let’s make the Nobody’s View list of 12 2012 resolutions that might get something resolved.

1.  This year, I’ll resolve not to exercise every day, but to make friends with down time.  That’s right!  Instead of bemoaning the fact that I can only get out and pound the pavement three days a week to get the ol’ heart rate up, I’ll pick up a hobby to make me feel productive even when I’m sitting on my butt.  Something like reading, more guitar, or nookie.

2.  This year, I’ll resolve not to make to-do lists, but instead, learn to use my days the best I can.  Yep!  Less lists and more just kinda doing things when they need to get done.  Hammer the nail when it needs nailing.  Fix the leak when it’s leaking.  And for the love of God, if it ain’t broke or dirty, don’t fix or clean it.

3.  This year, I’ll resolve to pay debts I owe to myself.  Bingo!  There’ll always be someone who thinks you owe them something for one reason or another.  They think you owe them money, time, respect, or whatever.  Maybe you do.  Maybe you don’t.  Forget it!  Spend more time taking care of what you need to take care of and less time worrying about all the hands grabbing at your heels (or your wallet).

4.  This year, I’ll do it my way.  Nice!  Think this only applies to one fast food chain’s burgers?  Think again.  You’ve made it this far in life doing whatever it is you’ve been doing.  Not everything you do is wrong.  Trust me.  Oh, I know you have someone in your life who wants to tell you your way is wrong, your hair is wrong, your something or other is wrong.  Well, tell ‘em where they can shove it.  Take the best of the advice you get and leave the rest for the wolves.

5.  This year, I’ll write what’s in my heart instead of what the market will bear.  You know it!  Any of you have a novel started, but there are voices telling you it needs more silly teen vampires, werewolves, or some honey-dripping insanity?  Well, you write what you want to write.  Write from the heart.  Write about vampires, werewolves, and honey if that’s what you are truly passionate about!  Write because it feels good to tell a story, not sell a story.

6.  This year, I’ll take a trip to that less-popular destination in the off-season.  Yep yep!  I once went to a national park in Utah in the dead of winter.  It was freezing.  It was snowy.  It was icy and bitter.  It was also empty, peaceful, and bore the most amazing images I’ve taken yet.  Crowded isn’t better, my friend.  Sometimes it’s just more crowded.

7.  This year, I’ll try a new thing because I want to try it and not because someone else is shoving it down my throat.  Killer!  I know your aunt loves her Brussels sprouts.  I know your bff has the “perfect” person to introduce you to.  I know someone else thinks those glasses will look great on you.  But you know what?  If you don’t want it or don’t wanna do it, DON’T!  It’s your life.  So few years folks.  So little time.  Do what you want.  Do what you need.

8.  This year, I’ll be more authentic, even if it annoys people.  Zow!  People will get annoyed with you.  They will.  Not because you’re annoying, but because they have issues.  And their issues conflict with your issues.  If you know a depressing person, laugh anyway.  If you want to sit up front and raise your hand, do it!  You want to go out in a pink hat with an orange shirt and slippers?  Go for it.  Be nice.  Be respectful.  Be helpful.  But above all, be you.

9.  This year, I’ll share more but will decay less.  Zounds!  What does that mean?  It means this: you have a good heart.  You give to others.  You are there for that other person in #8.  But if you are “there” at the expense of yourself, or if you are wilting so that they can grow, you’re actually hurting the situation.  Be the good and amazing person you are.  But make sure you take care of you so you can keep on being that person.

10.  This year, I’ll listen less to the pundits and more to my soul.  Bang!  Those talking heads on TV are the absolute very last people you should be basing your decisions on.  Like what they say?  Great.  Listen.  Then measure it against your own life and needs.  I have known argument bullies whose hate and bile match only what they hear on TV.  They touted it like it was gospel and beat others with it like a bat.  Screw that noise.  Follow your conscience, get to know your neighbor, and learn to see more than what the tube can tell.

11.  This year, I’ll move out of the comfort zone.  Great!  If you don’t know people of a particular ilk, seek them out.  If you judge the poor for panhandling on your snazzy street corner, work with them for a few days on their turf.  If you have a bias, test it.  If some political-pundit talking empty head says something you disagree with, don’t feel you have to agree because he or she is in “my party.”  If you want something new, find something new.  Try tuna.  Watch sports with your significant other.  Then, the next night, head for the ballet.  Buy your first suit.  Ditch an old one.  It’s your life.

12.  This year, I’ll leave the resolutions behind the minute they don’t suit me, for I know situations change, people change, and, above all, change changes.  Amen!  Not much else to say here.

So, there you have it.  The Nobody’s View 12 bizarro-resolutions.  They make sense in some twisted way, don’t they?  As you “sniff” around in that list, remember – take the ones you want.  Leave the rest.  Wrap fish in ‘em all.  Do what you will.  But in the end, this year is only what you make it.

Have a wonderful January 2012 and beyond.  Oh, and if you need some help as the days go by, just follow your nose.  The year isn’t all smelly.

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4 responses to “Nobody’s View’s 2012 List of 12 New Year’s Resolutions That May or May Not Stink

  1. To say I like this post is an understatement! Best work…evuh! I’m sharing with everyone I know with the full belief that your knowledge will help us all have a great year. Thank you, thank you.

    • @AKATERRIE: It is always always always a pleasure to have you stop by! Can’t wait ’til next year, when the list will be “13” in honor of 2013. Are there ever enough resolutions? What’s your number one resolution this year?

  2. Nice. I had to write a column for the Tribune one year on “Resolutions” and shared the same kind of humorous truth. We get so wrapped up in “shoulds” we don’t often get to “want-tos.”

    • @AFT: Thank you for the comment. I think this year, I’m going to get into more “want-tos” as you say. You are absolutely right. There’s not enough of that in the world…

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